It must be nice to get flowers you don't want..

Coming from an asthma kid that is allergic to almost every flower, grass, weed, dust, and animal on earth I happen to like roses. "Paint the roses red" But feel sad when I receive them because I know they will die. Seems like such a waste to cut them out, and give them to someone. Anyhoo on to my story. 

One of my tenants walks into my office. All of my tenants have character names so let's call her Teddy. A little background here. Normally when she stops by it's a disaster story of something that happened to her that has nothing to do with her apartment. 

There was the time she was sent home from work because she wasn't wearing a bra (gasp the outrage) she cried for about 10 minutes in my office because it wasn't fair! "They said it was casual Friday!". 

Or the time a secret admirer was leaving teddy Bears in front of her door for weeks, and she hates stuffed animals. (Yes I know something is wrong with her) 

Or the time her, and her friend tried to evade police while drinking. They scaled a fence which caused her to (naturally) fall and break her arm then go to jail.  

I could go on, and on with her stories.. Maybe I will give her a chapter in my book all to herself?

Ok now to the good part! she walked into my office and gave me these wicked pretty flowers!

 

She said her boyfriend gave them to her but they are going out of town, on some exotic vacation (of course) wanted someone to enjoy them, and thought of me. 

Really? That's actually nice. (popping a Claritin now) 

Magic Mike is that you?

You may be asking yourself is this going to be one of those blogs where the story actually relates to the title? 

Two guys walk into my office to see a two bedroom apartment, and all is totally normal at this point.

We walk into the apartment, and they quickly start arguing over who would have the master bedroom. Then one of them has a brilliant idea... 

“Bro let's arm wrestle for it” this is when it gets weird. Before I can blink one of them takes his shirt off, and they both begin arm wrestling on the kitchen breakfast bar. I stand there in shock, as the one without his shirt on is defeated (wimp)

I think he realizes that was not normal, and looks at me, and says...

“Oh it’s cool I take my shirt off all the time for work, I’m an entertainer”

My literal response: “Umm ok but you're not at work, and you're not going to make any money here so you may want to put your shirt back on”

He laughs pretty hard, and asks for an application... 

(Insert my Sandra is “not impressed” look)

I’m no fool that wasn’t a show for who get’s the bigger bedroom. I’m sure something is messed up... credit etc...

Mashable.com (Photo) 

Jason is that you??

I will say that I think the opposite about Friday 13^th that most people do. I don't believe in bad luck , It has always been a lucky day for me! That being said I had an “interesting” encounter with a potential renter today. 

As we are walking to the unit he is literally doing the “chu chu chu ha ha ha” out loud in almost a sigh sound..  from the movie “Jason” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQzdTYKTWRo  at first I thought maybe I was just hearing things until he did it again.. ..

It get’s better, as we enter the unit no lie his phone goes off, he swears it’s his girlfriend... the ringtone is the “Michael Myers” song from the movie “Halloween” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMLPnk9-6MM

I literally bust out laughing because it’s all so ridiculous.. but he just stared back, and apparently didn’t see the humor. I totally see that he planned on being creepy, and probably tried to scare me but it didn't work out well for him, as I'm not so easily scared. 

In the end he wanted something with a waterfront view, and I could not meet his needs..too bad. 

Image: San Diego.com

Things that you make you go hmmm..

After some suggestions I decided to do something different & update my blog with "the funny" a little quicker! These are some of the things I have heard within the week.. yes I do realize it’s Tuesday. Some are funny, and some will melt your brain if you try to re-read them.

“I’m 70% sure there is a dead body floating in the pond”

My thoughts: Really how did you get 70%?!

“God bless America’s somebody said he bring money to the United States”

My thoughts: This was the response I received after I asked her to clean her patio area..

Potential Resident : “Do you have any elevators?”

My response: “ Um, besides the one we are entering now?"

Potential Resident : "No, I mean do you have any elevators instead of just stairs?" 

My thoughts: This melted my brain, there was no language barrier she was just dumb. 

Final Thoughts: According to my boss "Girl this will one day be your child" sad part is that I'm sure he's right...

#funnyordie

The Mad Hatters!

This is some of the ridiculousness I encounter on a daily basis... I know I'm a little behind on updated my blog as some of you have reminded me (you know who you are) so I will do better to get you up to speed!

Today’s blog is about tenants that I have named “The Mad Hatters”. Let me just give you some background info. Their unit is a disaster! By this let me help you visualize. It looks like a paper factory had an explosion with papers everywhere, random boxes, and best of all a pathway throughout the entire apartment of towels (I’m assuming to protect the carpet of course) every room looks like utter madness, hence the title... (And the fact that I think they are insane)

The pictures below don't do them justice. 

I received the following voice mail message... The best part is that I have not edited this whatsoever; I literally typed this out word for word.

“Hi we were gone most of the day today, and we just noticed that the drawer handle screw knob or whatever it’s called on our bathroom cabinet is missing?! (Woman yells in the background) “Oh my god it’s nowhere to be found” It was there this morning when we woke up, and we are very concerned that somebody is getting in our apartment. Do you know if anyone was ordered in here for any reason last night to remove it? If they were not we would like the locks changed, as we are very worried about this happening again to us.”

My reactions

1) Umm who would go into your apartment just to take a cabinet door knob?

2) Is there really no chance that it simply fell off, and is lost forever in the mess that you call your home?

3) You probably took it off yourself, and don’t remember. 

Hours later I get another call this time I answer... (sigh)

Resident: “Umm we found it, it was in my pocket” My response: “Of course it was” and I hung up.

Final thoughts...

I am considering going by at some point tomorrow, and taking something obvious like the refrigerator door handle, or maybe the bedroom door for like an hour... just to see what happens.

Happy birthday fake city on fire thing..

So as you know if you follow my blog, I get a random amount of e-mails, phone calls, and general encounters that are utterly ridiculous. This was the icing on the cake of my week. I received the following e-mail.. This is what I live for...

"I have an apartment emergency.  I am out of town and accidentally left a card board box with dry ice it in at my apartment. Since there is no outside ventilation if it's not thrown out it will kill my cat. Can someone go and throw it out? It is happy birthday fake city on fire thing. It's. On the counter"

I had to read this e-mail a couple times because it made no sense... Naturally curious & fearful for the poor cat, I stopped by to remove the "Happy birthday fake city on fire thing". To my surprise it was just as she had described it...

Contractor, Jail, needing help.. I must be in a "Lifetime movie"

Never a dull morning... I decided to start documenting daily my encounters with crazies... I literally have a book in my desk drawer and when someone says something ridiculous I just pull it out and start writing... I have been told that I will even do it as they are sitting in front of me. (I guess I need to work on being more stealth about it) *You have been warned if I do this to you*

This guy comes into my office with tattoos all over his neck and body (don’t get wrong I like tattoo’s his were just scary) & says:

“I remember you; wow did you used to be fat?”

 Me: “Uhh yes I was... how I can help you?”

“I used to work here, and I need your help, I mean I worked for a contractor and I did work for him here a long time ago”. (At this point I think of  lifetime movies, and am waiting for the worst.. it’s always the “contractor” right?” anyway he proceeds to tell me that he “literally” just got out prison (god help me) and was just dropped off on a main street close by , and thought he would come here to get help. (Of course he did I’m still waiting for the punch line)

He shows me a commissary check he just received from a law enforcement agency (naturally) and asks me where he can cash it. I suggest Amscot, and give him directions. He then goes into this looooong story about how he was suing them because they thought he was an “illegal” and he’s not...

Side Note: I happen to be wearing a ring made out of a bullet shell, and guitar strings... he complimented me on it, and I told him my “boyfriend” (Imaginary of course) who just looooves guns, and bullets made it for me.

Hopefully that's the end of my "help"