A Spanish guy, and an Asian woman.. Part One

I know what your thinking.. The only part I'm missing is that they "walk into a bar".

In this case a Spanish guy, and an Asian woman walk into an apartment. They first enter my office, and I'm instantly hungry because they just got off their shift at a local restaurant, and smell like food..

They both barely speak any English but yet the Spanish guy seems to be a translator of sorts for the Asian lady acting things out, and correcting me when I confirm what she says. All seems normal right? and your probably wondering where this is going..

Well we enter the unit, and within minutes she asks me "Go can I change bathroom I enter?" (Ok I know that totally sounded like Yoda so I've heard.. I personally don't actually know..) but I swear that's what she said.. as she's changing I am in the living room, and the Spanish guy smiles, and starts playing the "Twilight movie soundtrack" on his phone. (pretty loud) I'm like what the what?!

Not just any Twilight soundtrack.. the one for the first movie not even the most current soundtrack (don't ask me how I know that) smh

No idea where she got the clothes to change with she didn't even have a bag. She is supposed to return tomorrow, I am guessing there will be a part two..

Shoot I'm a jinx she's calling me now..

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday... filled with crazies, crazies, crazies

Ah Rebecca Black, I'm sure there is a place for you here.

It’s only 1pm. I have already heard, and seen... and heard the weirdest things. Here’s a few:

Resident with Rent Due: “I will be there for sure, with my rent. Ooh you're on the way to the ABC Liquor store. Rock on!”

My Thoughts: How fantastic

One of my favorite residents - I will call “Little Britain” - walks in listening to a Walkman. I first think, "Um is it really 1984 and I’m the one who is out of touch?" Then I wonder, "How is it actually still working? Is it an original? Where did she buy it?" I am going to have to ask her next time she comes in. However, I think in our next encounter, she will have gone totally 80’s, and may have a perm, Ocean Pacific clothes, jelly shoes, and a swatch watch. (I can’t wait)

Resident with TMI: “I need an apartment with a big window. It must have sunshine all the time. My bird likes to look outside. BUT, at the same time I want it to be in a private location. People might see me walking around in my underwear, as I don’t like to wear clothes.”

My Thoughts:

#1) - I can’t guarantee sunshine all the time

#2) - eww I could have gone without the visual.

Hypothetically..

These are things that maybe you should leave out when looking for an apartment. (Particularly from me) I had a young guy that came in today that believe it or not provided all of the material for this blog. I wish I would have recorded it... wait! I did... but no audio.

(I can do even better.. see picture I'm pretty sure this was him)

It starts off innocent..."I'm looking for an apartment for my dad and me" (My thoughts: Ok, seems normal)

"I was in the military, and am a good guy" (My thoughts: That’s fantastic)

“Would having a felony D.U.I Manslaughter charge prevent someone from getting an apartment?" (My thoughts: what?!)

"What if someone had an imprisonment/battery charge?" "It sounds bad but I can explain... my girlfriend and I got into a fight, and she threw her phone at me, and somehow it ended up in my apartment, and I got charged because she was not able to use her phone to call police" (My thoughts: I need an ibuprofen & where are the hidden camera's)

"I have probably said too much"

"Pretend I didn't say any of those things, and help me"

And finally my favorite...

Ending with "You’re very beautiful by the way" will earn you no points, creep me out, and will just make me laugh.